Jumbled mixpot of emotions

We push away the people who care for us. We make stupid mistakes that we know we would regret. We let emotions take over logic at the crucial timings. We shut ourselves out when we need somebody the most. We only cherish things the moment we lose them. We expect people to do certain things that we ourselves don't do. We take things for granted. We make fucked up decisions. We don't do it all the time, but everyone does it. We all 犯賤 from time to time. & it is sad.

Have you ever felt helpless for not being able to help, although you want to do it with your entire heart and soul? It breaks my heart. & I wish there was some way I could take away the pain. & I all can do is to sit and watch, pray that you will be okay, that you will not give yourself up, that it would all be gone once and for all. But all I can do is to think. & then, nothing. I want to be there for you, but I all I can be, is to be there. I want to be something more. I want to lift your spirits, give you hope, cure your pain, even. That would be overambitious because I know I can't do it. I don't have that ability. It disappoints me that I can't be any of that. & it is sad.

I was watching a wedding proposal video on Facebook the other day, where the guy proposed to the girl in the cinema. & I couldn't stop crying. What was touching wasn't the extravagance, the flowers nor balloons. It was the thought. & thought, is often what matters the most. Not thoughts that are kept to oneself, but thoughts that are made known.

In any case,

Happy 4th monthsaryyyyyy! It has been the greatest 4 months of my life. ^^

We've never celebrated any of the monthsary or whatever. Largely because 1) We're both busy 2) We don't really care about the monthsary stuff. Spending everyday with him makes me happy enough.

x