My shoulders are so tense when I dance + I don't breathe when I dance UGH so irritated watching myself dance Y U SO UGLY

Counting down 3 days to the end of my extended internship!

I'm starting to lose drive because I feel so so worn out with all the work to do, all the overwhelming dance practices, the thought of school reopening, not spending enough time with the boyfriend, etc.

I'm dancing everyday, from Monday to Sunday. It feels like year one once again.

I don't know how I landed myself into all these commitments yet again. I just know that I can't neglect my studies this time round, because it's not just me, I'm doing FYP with YJ and Clem and I cannot let them handle everything by themselves again.

I'm really excited for O School recital, especially. It's the first recital that I've tried auditioning for. I'm really thankful to get into Fredy's Street Jazz, although I would have preferred Hiphop because I really feel like staying away from Street Jazz for a bit. Still, I really am glad that I even got into any of the items. Among all these, there's Danzpeople recital (which I haven't attended any practices yet), preparing for Nemesis's concept video, prepping junior team for ABCD (oh gosh), all the random shows (NTU Fest, Hall 8 SP Night, Alumni Night), teaching dance part-time in schools, SUAD practices, Lester's temple performance, and suddenly having to perform an extra item when I was originally supposed to just coach Lester's sisters and their friends for an item. With all these on my shoulders, I have almost no time for anyone at all.

Just recently, I had to give up meeting two groups of friends who matter to me - my 2 JC cliques.
I feel absolutely bad for canceling on them, because I did look forward to meeting them. But I just can't shake my commitments off.

It's really moments like these I ask myself what the hell am I doing to myself and what are all these for.

Also, I feel like I can't dance. Been having self-esteem issues lately. & my fitness is deteriorating, which means dancing like a nuaballz. Ugh damn sian. Lousy piece of shit.

I can't even get over my own inadequacies but have to mentor others now oh god no this is one hell of a leap of faith zzzzzz

GIVE ME TIME!!!! I NEED MORE TIME

Resorting to spamming cute animal videos to stop the tears. Not working.

I hate this.

I need a getaway. Perhaps alone. I don't wish to expend energy making people understand anymore, even to my closest ones. I'm really tired of emotions.

Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you? I obviously don't matter anymore. & it's just gonna get worse from here.

Is history repeating itself? Maybe I'm bound to this fate.

累了 真的什麼都不想想 什麼都不想管了。

Rushing my work that I procrastinated. I deserve this fatigue. Ugh I'm gonna die.

Feeling kind of like this, lately.

Light at the end of the tunnel. Yes.
(On a side note, I really adore The National)