Srethgie

What I should really be doing right now is to do some last minute cramming for my completely unprepared quizzes tomorrow (yes, two quizzes) after screwing up one just this morning. But no I can't. Because my overwhelming emotions won't allow me. It's are taking over. I can't snap back to reality this fast. Okay fine, I refuse to. Because on 26th February, our dreams came true and I never want to wake up.

Nothing could have felt more amazing.

After doing hall dance in my first academic year, I was convinced that hall dance is truly a place where dancers can grow. & when I say grow, I really mean GROW. In all aspects. It was an amazing journey last year and I couldn't wait for this year's.

Rewinding 2 months back, we've injected new blood into the team, had some precious valuable assets leaving our team (but nobody really leaves though. Once a Srethgie, forever a Srethgie), sharing sessions commenced. Things started building up, we started thinking of concepts, splitting choreography, THE SHIT JUST GOT REAL. Everyone's going like "you guys have so many MJ dancers" blabla and I didn't really like that. I crumble under too much stress and expectations #weak haha. & honestly, having MJ dancers doesn't guarantee anything at all.

Got to collaborate with my sister (I really love this girl with all my fucking heart) Candice. I did freak out a little, when I got "arrowed" to choreograph. Well, I have very low confidence when it comes to choreographing. & having to choreograph something of this scale (NY audi brimming with audience - NO FUCKING WAY!), I freaked out quite a bit. But knowing that I had Candice with me, made me feel a hell lot better. We've been through Impre competition together under FLaVa, we joined battle together, choreographing for hall dance was another milestone for us. We go through all these things together and I'm just really really glad to have her with me.

So we drafted something, worked things out from there, and a piece was thus born. It was something that we both were unfamiliar with, hence it was intimidating. We were afraid things wouldn't be up to standard. But we came up with a piece that we're both really proud of :')


Fly me to the moon - girl's segment that Candice and I choreographed together. Really proud of my girls. I dare say we looked super clean and fabulous!!! WHO RUN THE WORLDDDDDD?!

Practices got more intense, we have pracs almost everyday and it stretched late into the night. But every practice was enjoyable. I admit, it did feel like a chore, a lot of times. But it felt great as well. I know it sounds contradicting but that was just what it is.

We stitched the items together with all of our hearts, & our piece evolved along with us, into something uniquely Srethgie. It was something we couldn't wait to show the world, something we could proudly call OUR PIECE.

We did the props together, everything handmade with love. & then it was 26th February, all in the blink of an eye. We've had our fair share of worries before - What if this doesn't work out? What if that? Can we do it? Do you think it's okay? Weirdly though, on that day itself, I didn't feel unprepared at all (I tend to feel that way a lot).

At that very moment when we were on stage, with our introduction video playing behind us, I closed my eyes and felt the presence of my team members. Sitting before me was an auditorium full of eager spectators, waiting to watch what we've got. Likewise, we couldn't wait to show them what we had in store. When the light cames on, when the music echoed through every corner of the auditorium, I remembered thinking "This is the moment. My time. OUR TIME.", and we just went for it. 6 minutes of non-stop action, prepared using months of blood, tears, sweat, passion, love, laughter, happiness, every sort of emotion. I was dying to do well for myself, for the team. I felt so proud, for every second in that short span of 6minutes.  & I swear I felt like we were dancing together. It wasn't our cleanest run, BUT IT WAS THE FUCKING BEST ONE. The laughter from the audience, the resounding applaud at the end of our piece, cheers from the crowd, I SWEAR I FELT THAT WE WERE INFINITE. (YES QUOTING THE OVERUSED QUOTE BUT THERE ISN'T ANY BETTER WAY TO SAY THIS!!!)

I can't, and would never forget that feeling, sitting together, rows of us, anticipating the release of results. We wanted the victory, but it wasn't the main thing. We've never really focused on vying for that throne. We just wanted to do well, and do our best as Srethgie. When they announce the 3rd and 2nd placing, I remember breaking down that very moment. I was shocked by my own reaction because it has been a while I've behaved this way and it was uncontrollable bawling. Gush of thoughts went "OMG WOULD IT BE US, it should be, it must be! BUT WHAT IF?! Maybe they didn't like it? Could they have hated our piece?! But it should be!!!" and all of us went crazy. I gripped on to Lester and Shervon's hands and the atmosphere was intense. We were all screaming in excitement and fear. & when they announced Srethgie as Champions it was just ballistic crying laughing hugging and more hugging and I WAS SO SO PROUD THAT THE VICTORY WAS OURS. WE MADE IT TOGETHER AND WE'VE COME SO FAR TOGETHER omg as I type I'm crying again. The champion trophy, is ours to keep. Just kept having episodes of bawling sobbing and tearing throughout the night. & I dare say, I've NEVER felt "tears of joy" as much as I've felt it this way. I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT. I CAN'T.

I love each and single one of my Srethgie dance mates from the bottom of my heart. :')

Crazy, crazy, crazy journey. Magical, even.

& I'm just really glad to share the moment with the ones I love. Especially Lester. Fate has led us to know each other through hall dance, and I'm really happy to be able to share the stage with him. Especially during couple work, because I really felt so genuinely happy and comfortable dancing with him. It is truly a blessing.

Couple work - FUCK YEAH CONFETTI!!!

I've told him countless times that I'm super proud of him but every single time he replies with a "Huh but I also never do anything" "Silly ah" "Crazy girl" "You're just biased". BUT I REALLY AM VERY PROUD OF HIM WHAT. He's a crazy good dancer and yet he undermines his own ability sometimes. He is a born performer and when you watch him do his thing on stage you can really feel it. You feel his desire to show his stuff, to entertain. & even though he is so crazily annoyingly lame and irritating (but so freaking adorable) at times, he gets things going. He has so many creative ideas. He motivates people. He cares about the smallest things although he tries not to show it. I could go on and on, but really, he's just amazing. I'm just so very very very proud of him. More than he would ever know. & I swear I'm not just saying this because I'm biased, not just because he's my boyfriend.

I love you babyboy!! ^^

Harder, better, faster, stronger.


FOUND THIS KIND OF ENTERTAINING HAHAHAHA that would be me basking in glory and glittery confetti. SO INTO IT HAHAHAHA.

Also, other halls were simply awesome. Just in awe. Seeing my fellow MJ dancers on stage made me feel SO SO SO PROUD. & I can't wait for Dancetitude. & knowing that fresh dancers start dancing cos of HO makes me feel so happy. :) So much to learn from everybody!

I just read a post on NTU confessions the other day (it appeared on my FB timeline) regarding hall commitments. That person wrote that we are caught in our own bubble, and that being involved in these things are just a plain waste of time, and that it wouldn't help anything in our lives. It triggered me a little.

Well, I just feel sad for that person. I mean like, people like this would NEVER understand the euphoria, and for a lack of a better word, indescribable feeling you get when you work in a team towards a common goal. Why do we work so hard for something like that? No monetary gains, no nothing, just a title, nothing that would be recognised when we step into the working society? It's not all about that, man. We work hard because WE WANT TO! It makes us happy. Simple enough. & sometimes simple things like that matter the most. One of the best moments in my life, no doubt.

& here it is, our champion piece.
I am part of Srethgie, and so damn fucking proud.

(you may wanna watch it in HD and full screen to catch every bit of our awesomeness)

It wasn't perfect per se, but it felt like it. :)

We are already champions in my heart before anyone told us we were. SRETHGIE LOVE. INFINITELY!

Jumbled mixpot of emotions

We push away the people who care for us. We make stupid mistakes that we know we would regret. We let emotions take over logic at the crucial timings. We shut ourselves out when we need somebody the most. We only cherish things the moment we lose them. We expect people to do certain things that we ourselves don't do. We take things for granted. We make fucked up decisions. We don't do it all the time, but everyone does it. We all 犯賤 from time to time. & it is sad.

Have you ever felt helpless for not being able to help, although you want to do it with your entire heart and soul? It breaks my heart. & I wish there was some way I could take away the pain. & I all can do is to sit and watch, pray that you will be okay, that you will not give yourself up, that it would all be gone once and for all. But all I can do is to think. & then, nothing. I want to be there for you, but I all I can be, is to be there. I want to be something more. I want to lift your spirits, give you hope, cure your pain, even. That would be overambitious because I know I can't do it. I don't have that ability. It disappoints me that I can't be any of that. & it is sad.

I was watching a wedding proposal video on Facebook the other day, where the guy proposed to the girl in the cinema. & I couldn't stop crying. What was touching wasn't the extravagance, the flowers nor balloons. It was the thought. & thought, is often what matters the most. Not thoughts that are kept to oneself, but thoughts that are made known.

In any case,

Happy 4th monthsaryyyyyy! It has been the greatest 4 months of my life. ^^

We've never celebrated any of the monthsary or whatever. Largely because 1) We're both busy 2) We don't really care about the monthsary stuff. Spending everyday with him makes me happy enough.

x

It just hurts whenever efforts are not well appreciated or when the response is not what you expected, especially when you do it for the people you love. Because everything you do is out of love and concern, and every second you spend doing that task is with filled with thoughts of that person, filled with every possible best intention. Hence it backfires when it isn't appreciated. It's one of the worst feelings one can experience, at least in my emotional dictionary. I detest it. But it keeps happening to me from time to time. & there's almost nothing you can do. Because reactions and responses reflects how one feels from deep down within. & if one doesn't express that emotion you wished to see, it just doesn't happen. It didn't happen because that person didn't feel it. & all you can do is to think what went wrong, and just feel sad and hurt and nothing else. There is absolutely nothing. Because it's honesty. So you just have to suck it up and hope that one fine day you'll just because less sensitive, not be oversensitive, or desensitized, perhaps.

Late night influx of gushing thoughts

I feel it pressing in, the pressure. I just really want all of us to do well. I want us to feel the music and dance as one. This can't afford to go wrong. I'm nervous and excited to see how it will turn out. But I'm really wishing for the best. Time is running out and we have to make every second count. I can now say that I really love this group of dancers. I feel that sense of belonging when I dance with them. I feel so thankful for being able to be part of this team. I love Srethgie with all of my heart.

Made a trip down to Cathay to catch the Impresario competition, to support the MJ teams, and most importantly to support the boyfriend. This competition exactly one year back was the reason why I got involved in hiphop. Joining Impresario with FLaVa was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and it's a decision that I'll never regret. It has moulded me to the dancer that I am today. So many takeaways, and the bond shared with FLaVa will never be forgotten. I'm really thankful for being able to be part of FLaVa because without them I wouldn't like dancing this much, I wouldn't have learnt so much, and got to experience and get out of my comfort zone. I never got to tell them this but I'm really am so grateful for that opportunity. Those days were really hell, where we trained into the AM, and got so stressed up over it like the competition meant our everything, but those things were the exact reason why the whole journey with FLaVa was so meaningful.

Digressed a little, but this year's competition was intense. The teams were really impressive and the standard has way surpassed the norm. I just feel really really proud of my friends (okay namely Jason) for putting in so much hardwork. Watching him improve by leaps and bounds, it's just amazing. & I'm also really proud of Lester. He held the stage and exuded so much charm and confidence (I am not being biased just because he's my boyfriend!) This might not mean much to him but I just feel so proud. Getting a little emotional here with tears welling up and all that shit but OKAY it's a happy kind of tearing. #emotionalgirl91

There are so many people who mean so much to me and I just don't have enough time to show them I care. Does that mean that I don't? I mean, one could definitely find time if they want to. Is it an excuse? Maybe, I don't know. I wish I had more than 24hours in a day to do all the things I need to do.

Am I being oversensitive, or would I be insensitive?

Words can mean so much yet mean nothing. Emptiness.

Nobody can be a perfect person but everyone strives to be. & trying to get there is just so difficult. Will you keep trying?

Valentine's

Few years back I would probably be whining and sobbing away, if my valentine's day wasn't spent celebrating, with gifts, letters, and flowers during dinner. I would have kicked up a huge fuss, and felt bitter that my other half didn't surprise me, or overwhelm me with sweet nothings as I would have liked. It used to mean so much to me. But this year I'm just contented that I got to spend the start of the day dancing with the boy, and along with my Srethgie dancers that I love so very much. Honestly, I would still very much wish to receive a simple handwritten letter or a stalk of rose. But it's okay even if I get none. I'll be just contented getting to spend the time with you, doing what we both like. :)

Let the people you love know that you love them. There's no other better day than today to show love.
xx

"Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO."

Onion

"I still can't really get what kind of person you are. One moment ago I thought I knew you, but right at the next I just feel like there's more to it, like you're not revealing something. I just can't understand you completely."

Am I?

5 random confessions

Confession pages of various local universities have started springing up on Facebook lately. Thought of doing some here just because I'm getting bored of studying.

#1) I find girls much more attractive than guys in the physical aspect and had wondered if I was gay. I've come to a conclusion that I'm completely straight though.
#2) When I was young, I believed that Pokemons were real and attempted to buy it from a friend who claimed that she could get it from a supplier and that it was top secret. I saved up for months, paid her, and the Pokemons never arrived.
#3) I still feel guilt over what I've done over the past year and can't help thinking what if karma decides to bite me in my ass.
#4) I hate uncertainties. I was just having a conversation with a friend about how I don't mind, and in fact, enjoy taking roller coaster rides, but absolutely abhor the ones that goes all the way up and plunges vertically down without warning.
#5) I'm too lazy to think of one.

More like 5 random facts, actually. I've distracted myself from school work and I ought to head back to it. Toodles doodles!
x

Diamonds in the sky

You’re a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I’m alive
We’re like diamonds in the sky

x