So much pent up frustration, anger, and helplessness. All these emotions for 3 months. I thought I should have gotten use to it by now. Ever had that feeling where you get so overloaded with commitments you actually feel so numb, and you just live your days by the second, and you no longer know what you're really living for? That's the feeling I've been getting the past few months. I doubt my own decisions, and question my raison d'être. There's so many people around, but in fact you're just alone, and nobody truly cares anymore. I'm pretty much just angry with myself. My incapabilities, my weakness, my vulnerability. At this point I have to admit to myself - I am no superwoman; I cannot cope with this.
I pause, and I look back. Yes, I do have regrets. But if I'm given the chance to rewind time, to make a choice again - I'd still gladly do it.
I can't push this desire away.
I feel really bad to the friends that I've been dragging down, to people I've been neglecting. The people I love - my family, close friends. I don't even talk to them much anymore. & I value relationships a whole lot.
4 days left. I'll make a change and do what I can to catch up.
& for now, what's at the top of my head, is sleep.
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