What hurts the most, was being so close

& having so much to say, & watching you walk away.

JDC in a couple of hours. Felt so uncertain about our progress and my ability to catch up. After several runs, hardwork, sweat, cleaning cleaning and MORE cleaning, I say we're more than ready to put up a good show. Today's full run was the best ever. I felt it. They say you can FEEL the presence of the other dancers even without looking. I TRULY EXPERIENCED IT ON THAT STAGE, AT THAT MOMENT. Simply magical. All that's left is tomorrow, on the REAL run. I hope we don't get all nervous and spoil everything. Honestly speaking, that's my biggest from now - drawing from the bad experience from impre...

Speaking of impre, it is just so hard to get over. How can something that you enjoy doing SO MUCH, destroy you so badly when you fail? The hardwork put in pays off if you get the reward you deserve. But when you don't, you just fall. YOU FALL SO HARD. Just a single blow sets everything crumbling. It's too much for me to comprehend. :(

Staying away from competitive/hardcore dancing for a long time after tomorrow. I swear I need a break. I DESERVE A BREAK. There is, of course, no easy way out for everything. If you want to excel in dance, you've got to work hard and learn things the hard way. But I've had enough, for now. I miss dancing as a form of leisure. Just simple fun without complications. I miss it.

A walk along the campus pathways in the middle of a warm day. Not something I really fancy, but I do appreciate strolls like that from time to time.

MJ class today. Can't exactly remember when was the last time I actually went for a MJ session, and actually put my heart and focus in it. Been too clouded by every other thing. It's either I'm physically not around, or I'm around but spiritually somewhere else. Another thing that made the class today extra enjoyable was that Van taught her choreo. It's awesome to learn from different people with different styles. & I loved Van's choreo :) vastly different from the usual MJ class (Pat's throw, hit, swag kind of style)

Had an enjoyable supper with fellow MJ people, and my FLaVababiez ^~^
Supposed to celebrate (well... not exactly) the end of Impresario by feasting.

Lo and behold - CHILLI CRAB! ;D

Money well spent.

Foodies4lyfe. NEVER STOP EATING! :)

Have also painted my nails grey. Suits my mood nowadays, which is mostly gloomy.

This isn't like me. I'm usually chirpy.

Well, we all have our moments.

Breaking point

So much pent up frustration, anger, and helplessness. All these emotions for 3 months. I thought I should have gotten use to it by now. Ever had that feeling where you get so overloaded with commitments you actually feel so numb, and you just live your days by the second, and you no longer know what you're really living for? That's the feeling I've been getting the past few months. I doubt my own decisions, and question my raison d'être. There's so many people around, but in fact you're just alone, and nobody truly cares anymore. I'm pretty much just angry with myself. My incapabilities, my weakness, my vulnerability. At this point I have to admit to myself - I am no superwoman; I cannot cope with this.

I pause, and I look back. Yes, I do have regrets. But if I'm given the chance to rewind time, to make a choice again - I'd still gladly do it.

I can't push this desire away.

I feel really bad to the friends that I've been dragging down, to people I've been neglecting. The people I love - my family, close friends. I don't even talk to them much anymore. & I value relationships a whole lot.

4 days left. I'll make a change and do what I can to catch up.

& for now, what's at the top of my head, is sleep.

Fatigue

Sunday is over. Impresario is over. Still feeling a lot for it despite it being two days ago. Will do a proper post about it soon. Just not now, not at two in the morning. I've got too much to say but I just want to sleep.

Right now I'm just overwhelmed by everything. My world is crashing down. There's no time for me to break down though. Gotta get up on my feet. JDC this Sunday and that's it for major dance commitments this semester.

You can do it Lyss.

Coming home

Haven't exactly been blogging for quite some time (due to the lack of time, interest, emergence of twitter AND TUMBLR - god that thing is pretty addictive) and am thinking of coming back to this space. Somewhere I can rant on and on. Used to blog since primary 5 (I KNOW, I KNOW - my blog address used to be fishballnoodles, the innate glutton since young) and aimed to be able to look back when I got old and see what I've done. Not many around me actually still blog these days, but I really miss the times where everyone were enthusiastic about it, and went around on each others' sites to leave comments. Hope I'll be able to stay committed to this and continue blogging.

The studio is my playground now. I spend almost every single day there. I won't deny that I am sick of it, but I know I'll miss it as soon as I stop dancing. Sunday is THE day, the finals of our dance competition.  We're taking a huge risk by changing the entire routine, but hopefully it's a risk well-taken, and the judges would see our efforts. This time round we've each contributed more to the routine, with inputs from every single one of us. I'm proud of what we've came up with. All that's left is practice, more practice, and showmanship on the actual day. I'd say I joined impresario just to gain exposure. After all, I'm really new to hip hop despite dancing for so long, and I didn't expect much. But we've come so far, TOGETHER, as one FLaVa, and now we all want to win this fight, not for anyone else but for ourselves. Let's show them what we've got.

DUCK FACE. PROBLEM?

This, I would never get sick of.

This is as pretentious as I can get.

Yum Cha with the family. So overloaded with everything that has been going on in my life, sort of neglected my family. Took the initiative to ask them out on for high tea. Never knew how much I missed talking to them. They're still the ones who'd ALWAYS be there regardless.

Scenic?

The cutest grandma in my heart.

Also, managed to squeeze time out on a busy Monday to celebrate Yueli's birthday.

Hope you liked it :)

Pantry Club

Truffle Mushroom Risotto

Red Velvet

Sour Sally's

Unprofessionally taken mirror shot

Midst of all the activities going on, I am, after all, a college student. I definitely don't feel that way, but it doesn't change the fact that I AM. I have to say I'm really struggling with the work load I'm handling right now. I can't cope at all with so many things going on at the same time. Dancing is sapping up all my energy. & just as one commitment ends, another appears. & there's no way to escape these commitments. Unable to prioritise, you say. I guess that's right. I'm just the kind who procrastinates till the very last second before really pushing myself to focus. It's a flaw, and I know of it, just that I can't change it. With the amount of projects on hand, I swear I'm just a step away from my breaking point. I'm just pushing on step by step, day by day. Just got back my social psychology test results - the one I completed within 45minutes and promptly left without checking just to reach dance rehearsal earlier. The average score for that test was 50/60. Can I just say that is INSANE. FELLOW PSYCH MAJORS, Y U NO GIVE CHANCE?! I did below average, but not that bad either, considering I didn't exactly study for it. But I'm not too sure about the next few quizzes I'm about to get back. In any case, I should really start catching up with my school work.

Ending my post abruptly with this gorgeous sexy beast. 

BOOMSHAKALAKA WOW FANTASTIC BABY!

Memories haunt

As much as I know I shouldn't be thinking of you, I still miss you every now and then.  Promises we made to each other, turned into nothing but mere spoken words. Pictures of us are still on my wall, but they're nothing more than pixels from the past. Places that we used to hang out together, are nothing but places. How long will I take to get used to this? I know we need to be apart. I need space. But either way, I'm suffering. Nobody told me it would be this hard. Exhausted from the pain. Worn out trying to hide. What happened to us? We used to be so strong...

stuffing myself with hello pandas alone in hall typing this with blurry eyes due to overactive tear glands. i've never felt so fucked up, so alone, ever before in my life.

this pain is killing me. and nobody can save me.

Happy times

Pictures are all not in chronological order, simply because I haven't updated for too long, and have forgotten the sequence.

Date with the boy to Chompchomp last week!

My favourite hokkien mee stall was closed and I WUZ DEVASTATED. Still had our fair share of good food though - Satay Beehoon, random not-so-nice hokkien mee, fried oysters!

Some dessert after all that grease...





Udders, at MyVillage! Awesome icecream they serve there :)




Random photo showing my hair 'cos I'm cool like that.
BTW IF YOU STILL DON'T KNOW (LAG SIAH), I've dipdyed my hair into purple+pink. The purple has faded though, and my hair is left with hotpink and lightlightlightbrown. Not blonde though! Still lovin' my hair though, despite the extreme brittleness!

Met up with Cher & Pui for a karaoke session, followed by dinner at DinTaiFung!









Collected SGC back in Nanyang with these babes!
The school canteen wasn't open, OR I'LL TOTALLY BE RAPIN' THEM FOOD!
I miss canteen food so so much. & I actually miss wearing a uniform and studying... Crazy as it sounds, but I don't wanna grow up.






Sorry, but can you get enough of my hair? I know I can't! ;p

Peishan's wedding reception dinner a few weeks back.

Always loved wedding dinners! Happiness is infectious, and it's great to feel bliss :)

Speaking of bliss...

Really happy with Baby recently :)


Shark Exhibition at Science Centre! & we also had a great lunch date at Wild Honey :)

Dinner at Nando's with my girls!














& dinner at Aston's & fondue at Anderson's (EVELYN'S CRAVING SINCE 1000YEARS AGO!) with Besties! :) Been a while since I've met them up!








Chompchomp a while ago with Fiona Peixuan Lawrence, & Udders after!


WTF -.-






I DREW THIS! :)


HEHE WASSUP! POSING LIKE SOME RICH POSEURS


Ending with a glamorous shot!

xx, Lyss ^^