Push

Was on the bus home when I saw this boy cycling on this tiny bicycle, with what seems like all his might. Far behind was another boy, cycling even harder, on his tricycle. No matter how hard he tried, the distance did not seem to close up. As my bus drove past, I tried to turn my head a little to look. But they went out of my sight within seconds.

How long was it since I've wanted something badly? How long was it since I've wanted something that bad AND actually fought hard for it? I've always needed that push from others, or from something, just so I can get going. The last thing I can recall was wanting to win Impre. Then again, I would have never wanted to win, if not for FLaVa. I would have just been my laidback self, thinking "It's great if we win, but it's alright if we don't". Dancing has always been my passion. I love dancing, I do. But not enough to make me give up everything for it. I know well enough that I'll hardly be as good as those dancers out there who have the natural talent, train hard, sacrifice everything for dancing, and have the right connections to build up their dancing career. So dancing is nothing but a hobby to me. I used to be a perfectionist when I was younger, only expecting excellence and nothing else. I'd get really beaten up if I failed to meet my own expectations. Trust me, I was rather harsh on myself. But somewhere along the line, I completely changed. I have no idea how it happened, but I grew to accept failures, took things easier, adopted that "everything's fine" attitude. Till date, I've no idea if that actually shaped me into a positive person, or just a really lazy one. One with no concrete plans nor dreams.

I kept wondering if the boy who lagged behind did eventually catch up. I hope he did. But we all know that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there are just some things that aren't within our control. & that may be the reason why.

I want to be sincerely happy but it's getting harder. Same goes for everyone, isn't it?
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