MJ Battle Vol. 5

As a freshie in MJ last year, I was inspired by all the seniors who battled. It was a real eye-opener for someone who's new to hiphop. At the back of my head I thought "I'd NEVER be able to do that". But I DID IT, just yesterday. Honestly, I was stressing over the battle for the longest time. The worry constantly echoes in my head, more so when I try not to think about it. I feel guilty when I don't session, I feel guilty because I fear. I tell you, I am this huge gigantic mass of fear.

When Yanyan first approached me to pair up with her for the battle, I remembered telling her "No, sorry. I just don't feel comfortable doing it yet. I don't think I will ever do it." & then Candice came along and asked me to do it together, talking about overcoming ourselves, stepping out of our comfort zones, and for a crazy second I thought to myself "Hey, Aly, it's about time you do something about your constant lack of confidence." and so I replied a big OKAY LET'S FUCKING DO THIS SHIT.

Fast forward to yesterday, everything zoomed past like a dream (nightmare specifically). I was so nervous during the auditions my upper body went numb. Candice and I gave pep talks to each other, exchanging hugs, and I didn't want to pull her down. We downed redbull, we downed some Heineken, and the next moment we were showcasing our routines. My brain was a blank. I have no issues with doing choreography, but freestyling is a another altogether. I FUCKING SUCK AT IT. My musicality is limited to "ONE AND TWO AND THREE AND FOUR", I have very little hiphop vocab (or any other dance vocab in any case), and I FEAR FREESTYLING. I can never understand people who can just do it with ease. I dislike feeling lousy, and I dislike having other people scrutinizing my every move.

I just kept telling Candice "Let's just do whatever we can. Our first will be our last round anyway." But we went into final 8. Then final 4. Then top 2. It was. Crazy.

Firstly, I would say other teams deserve those positions, much more than we do. We know where we stand. & the positioning is such a burden. The judges were probably impressed seeing us fight for our dear lives and wanted to see how far we could push ourselves. I may come off as a little disrespectful and offensive, but I'd rather not have it that way. Don't do this to us. We are people with feelings. Take it easy, they say. But it is afterall our first battle, a stepping stone, something that means so much to us. Nobody can imagine how much courage it took us to finally step up. I'm glad we were given then chance to fight, to try, to prove people wrong, but I'd rather not. I sound like a total wuss. It was embarrassing. I felt like we were NOWHERE near the other teams' standards. All we had was sheer willpower and that fighting spirit, which was actually forced courage converted from fear. Of course, we had chemistry as well. I am really thankful though, for all the support from my fellow MJians. I'm just really grateful to have them. Shouting "change move! don't panic! just slut it out! jiayou you can do this". & I just kept pushing. & all the exchanging of hugs and encouraging words, they mean a whole lot to me.

We lost in the end, but of course. It is a miracle we even got this far (trust me, I know where we stand). But it was a helluva fun night. I'm proud that we finally stepped up, and made a breakthrough, together.

Thank you, my fellow kampung44 hotchix partner Candice Sibei Hot Chillipadi Ong! So thankful for you to go through this with me. I wouldn't wanna have it another way. You did great out there. You were so kind to tank the 1minute solos because I was still chickening out in the midst of the battle. Pre-battle tears and jitters were taken over by this strong and powerful girl I see. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! We'll work hard together and shine much brighter the coming year. :) Love you!

FLaVa love. Although we no longer have pracs together, these people are the ones that brought me to love MJ, to love hiphop. The hardwork we put in together changed us, changed me. I value each and single one of you so much!

My girls, Yan and Fel. Yanyan is just constantly telling me JUST DO IT JUST DO IT and encouraging me. & Fel just keeps telling me to stop worrying and to just do my best. Both super helpful and never ever hesitate when I ask for help or whenever I bug them to train basics with me, or when I whine that I'm nervous. Love!

MY ROOMIE ZAHZAH!!! Such a pity she didn't get to battle because honestly she would have done so so good. Such an inspiration to watch her dance. Raw, pure, and full of intention. I know it must feel bad to withdraw last minute, but next year you'll wow the crowd, I'm so damn fucking sure of it. This girl is also so encouraging. Kept screaming her lungs out at the audience seat and constantly reassured us throughout the battle. Love her for that :)

So many takeaways from this experience. No regrets. Soooo inspired by all the battlers, seriously. Each and every single one. So motivated to strive to be a better dancer. Metamorphosise I will!

& nothing matters more than having your support. Thank you :)