sometimes i think i don't deserve happiness because of all the people i've hurt, even though i don't have the intention to. i just want everybody to be happy, without hurting anyone in the process. it's unattainable though. a childish wish.

in any case, it's insane how happy i can get it's almost unreal. and then the next moment i sink back into my whirlpool of negative thoughts. not too sane. plain ridiculous.