Got me dumbfounded and frozen for that few seconds. Didn't think you'd have the ability to, considering how long it has been, and how numb I've been feeling these days. I left for a reason, for a change. Things are different, I am different. But you won't know what else remains unchanged, if you don't bother to really find out.  I'm not placing a judgement on you. I could. So why would you? Actually no, I know. Futile attempt to justify the causation. Just say what you want to, do what you want to. & that just reminds me of why I gave it up in the first place. It was nothing that I was holding on to.

Something changed her from within, silently, barely leaving a trace. She's now indifferent, nonchalant. She builds a wall to defend herself, losing the ability to feel. It no longer hurts, but that's just because her heart is now made of steel. & she wonders if she would be happy just staying this way forever.


x

Kiss of death

Failed brunch since Mart was (2.5hours) late, and YJ and I couldn't decide what to have. Ended up at Soup Restaurant - was too hungry to hunt for other restaurants. Been long since I've last had their delectable samtsui chicken, but I realised I could settle for $8 hainanese chicken. Kind of like the same thing to me.

Carried this horrendously ginormous C&K paper bag around with much trouble.

"You look like pinoy especially with this background" thanks a lot M.

Starbucks.

Green tea soy latte

Chocolate lava cake

Managed to persuade them to join me at Zouk. Yay to spontaneity! 

Dress for the night

Crazy night. Supposed to go for Poptart, but the music wasn't to our liking. Honestly think that I can only appreciate indie music if I'm not dancing to it. Yueli also left really early, so we joined the rest at Phuture after like 3 songs. Brought my own Mango and Peach Vodka, we got some beer, had graveyard, apple shooter, sour plum shot, and bumped into ZH who treated me to Kiss of Death. Potent drinks taste sooooo awful. Had quite a bit, and my buzz lasted me all the way till I reached home. Managed to cook noodles although I can't stand straight. Awesome.

Concussed till next noon. YJ and I went to Dolphin's Tavern (right opposite my place, a minute's walk away) for lunch, followed by an entire day of lazy activities. Funny how we did so much just doing nothing.

Matching leopard printed shorts and awesomely slim long legs. #denial #tumblrgirlwannabe

x

It's not as if I didn't see it coming my way. Why did make myself believe that I would do better this time? That thought shouldn't have even crossed my mind for a split second. I did nothing to deserve the right to think that way. Absolutely nothing. True enough, I took on more that I could handle. But behind all that, I wasn't in the right mind at all. Distracted, unable to focus, procrastinating, believing that miracles would happen out of nowhere, over-reliance on peers, immaturity. For all my life, things somehow don't turn out as bad I expect them to be. I never ever tried really hard to study, & whenever I tried a little, I would scrape through. Always in the "not good enough to be awesome, but alright to make it" zone. Always taking things for granted. I don't wanna live my life to rue this. Need to set things straight and do things right. Aptitude is one thing, but attitude is another. Time to rid this rotten attitude of mine. I don't want the next semester to come by and just float through it again, with no aim at all like the previous two. I can foresee myself repeating my same old routine of nonchalance and indifference, but no, I can't. I have to make it a point to remember how I feel this very moment. Honestly detestable.

Home is where the heart lies

Had a photoshoot with my family on Sunday as suggested by my dad, sorta like a birthday present for him. I think it happens to people when they reach a certain age. They'd want to stop and capture the moment, and look back at what they've achieved in life thus far. My dad is amazingly selfless when it comes to family. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am, but I feel really blessed to be born in this household, as his daughter. This is something I'm really proud of :) 

It's his birthday tomorrow - Happy birthday Daddy! I love you ^^

With the brothers

Dearest sister

Speaking about the photoshoot... 

Initially, I was led to believe that we were heading to a studio for a formal family portrait. Turned out it was a home photoshoot. I was told that the photographer is a professional. So I kept asking my mum when would that photographer arrive. She then pointed at my dad and said "There". Almost fainted. I felt terribly cheated at that moment. -_-" Most of the time it was just the DSLR on a tripod and self-timer mode. Professional indeed.

Too many photos so I'm just postnin my favourite two.

A pretty good one, but the background is damn failwhale. YELLOW PIPE WTF.

Not too bad I guess.

& just retrieved these the other day. Love my JC Black Suede Litas (inspired)

Current obsession

I simply cannot emphasise how much I love Boon Tong Kee. Overrated meh?! Freaking flavorgasmic.

Dad: You like Boon Tong Kee so much wanna marry the owner or not. Or the owner's son.

Me: *without hesitation* OKAY STEADY

Mum: But like that you have to marry all the different food stall owners already, YOU LIKE ALMOST EVERY KIND OF FOOD

#truestory

Caught Dark Shadows on Saturday with DX. Awesome actors but I felt that the storyline itself was kind of lacking. Not too bad but not awesome either. 

Waited awfully long before I could have my colorful xlbs. It was absolutely worth it though.

First job training with Frolick this morning. 10am in the morning. MORNING. Such unfamiliarity. I just wanna start work asap and start earning. I don't understand why Frolick has so many rules in place. It's kinda too much, somehow.

Shopped around a little with Huannie, & met up with partner JH to catch 21 Jump Street. Didn't exactly know what the show was gonna be about but I agreed since Channing Tatum was in it #superficial #lecherousgirl

THE SHOW DAMN COCK WTF brainless humour. But I'm kinda brainless so I did appreciate that sorta humour. SAD BUT TRUE.

Shower time. I reek of A&F. (Mart aka A&F perfumeboy generously showered me with the store's perfume when I visited him at work. Thanks, but no thanks, really.)

x

& we will never look back at the faded silhouette

Phuture on a Wednesday night. Peculiar. Supposed to be a night out with my girls, but so happy to see the rest (YJ Clem Jo etc) there too. Been a while since I've been this sober. I wasn't even high. Maybe just a slightly, from the Graveyard that Jo forced me to down. Awful. Had to make sure Est was sober, and keep PX and CL (both had way more than they could take) alive. Pretty worried about them actually and I think I've seen CL merlion about 5 times that night. Also surrounded by weird people almost the entire night and felt so annoyed that we left before 3am. Weird night, but still happy being around my girls.

Post-partying sleepover. I look like death. 

It's an emergency: We need an actual stayover where we watch romance/chick flicks and paint our nails at the same time. Gossiping welcomed, but of course.

Karaoke with these three. Sang a record-breaking 8 hours. I don't even know how we did it. By the end of 8 hours, we weren't even done with our songs we've selected. We were actually forced to leave the place. Plain awesome.

No prizes for guessing what we were doing. I mean like, whenever there's Yueli and me, it's just kpop dance. Hahahahahaha.

Awesome oats.

Late night ooVoo convo.

Had my first driving lesson today. Thankful for having a patient instructor. I drove like a snail, at a maximum of 30kmph. I was just so afraid I'd kill someone or collide into a car nearby or something. 

Twisted logic, because seriously, who am I trying to kid? I can't possibly kill anyone going at 30kmph. But to be honest, for a moment I felt cool out there on the roads. A slow kind of cool.

"Not too bad for the first lesson. Not perfect, of course. But not too bad."

Pretty comforting.

& Frolick called back! I HAVE A JOB NOW! *pops champagne* Finally. Now everything's on track. I just need get started on my new room and not be lazy about it. (I am really excited about it but if you could see the amount of things I have to tidy up... I can't even...)

Taking baby steps.

x