Open your eyes

Turned the lights off, got under the sheets, all ready to go to bed. All the random thoughts brimming in my head forcefully woke me up though.

People. We're all seemingly similar. How can we be so different at times? Regardless of ability, aptitude, personality, behaviour, fears, talents; such huge variations exist. It all seems logical yet strange at the same time, that we're all equipped with the same things - hands, legs, brains, etc, but just so different from one another. Why can't I be like him/her/them?

On an unrelated note, I'm sure everyone have had this thought - "I have no idea why but I just dislike that person." I pick up bad vibes, develop distaste for a person, usually upon observation through first impression. It's fairly easy to alter my thoughts on a certain person thereafter, but I've realised that they hardly change. Contradicting as it seems, my judgemene on people are rarely wrong. After all, there must have been a reason for me to feel the way I felt - maybe by the way he/she projects him/herself, facial expressions, words they choose to use, so on and so forth. However, if they prove me wrong, I'll think "Oh... I was wrong to think that way, he/she is actually not what I thought". I guess I'm sounding really arrogant and cocky right now. Who are you to judge? Oh please, quit acting like a saint. Everyone judges. EVERYONE. Just whether you're keeping it to yourself, letting it out, phrasing it nicely, or putting it bluntly.

Thinking about all these, I guess there must be people around who thinks about me this way too. I have no idea why, but I just dislike Alyssa. There must be. I guess I must be pretty unlikeable. Somehow or rather. My initial thought was Why? Which part of me would they hate? What would make them people dislike me that much?. Then I thought, no. Feel free to dislike me upon first impression, if that's the judgement I'm given. If you are willing to take a different viewpoint and open up to see who I really am, and you still dislike me, then fine. There must be something about me that irks you. If not, then fuck it, I say. You've got no say.

I guess it's true when they say that sometimes you can feel it, when people dislike you. I think I've grown to not be discerned about all these so much anymore (I know it's not convincing, dedicating an entire entry on this issue, yet saying I don't care. But it's true). What matters the most, would be the people I hold close to my heart.

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